"Reverse discrimination (sometimes called "reverse racism") is, in its simplest form, the practice of favoring members of a historically disadvantaged group at the expense of members of a historically advantaged group." (wikipedia)

In many (or all, actually) colleges and workplaces, a quota is set up to determine how many people of each race and each gender are able to be admitted. Affirmative action is the policy used to make these institutions "equal" and "non-discriminatory". Does this kind of quota actually make our country less racist, though?

Let's think about it. Let's say two people are competing for the same job. One man, who happens to be Caucasian, is more qualified for the job than the other, who happens to be African-American. The company is not very diverse at this point, so the manager hires the black man to give the company a good reputation. It is completely irrelevant that Man #2 was less qualified than Man #1. In a world trying to eliminate racism, the concentration on only a person's skin color, we are only adding to it. The basis to Man #1's future was based on his color, and the fact that he is a majority. It is not important that he was well prepared and very qualified for the job at hand... he was born white, and therefore did not have the ease of minorities.

I understand that minorities have struggles, and that I am just a white 17 year old girl- what do I know anyway? I do know that discriminating against whites is the same as discriminating against blacks- it is an action done completely based on ethnicity or skin color.

I strongly believe that affirmative action is an incredibly counter productive idea, and is getting us no where in our fight against racism. I understand that it helps minorities, but if they are qualified, they shouldn't need quotas to get them college educations and jobs. Is it not insulting to know that you got a job only because the office needed another black man to fill their quota?

This article is about the reverse discrimination issue going on in New Haven, CT. It is a big issue, and I think it's very important. Hopefully the Supreme Court will overrule affirmative action, but who knows.
http://www.usatoday.com/news/washington/2009-04-22-scotus-firefighters_N.htm

^Take a gander at that. It's very upsetting to think that some people don't understand that depriving a white man of opportunities he deserves because he is white is the same as depriving a black man of opportunities based on his skin color. We are all people. We are all Americans. Why can't we all just love each other??!

What's your opinion on affirmative action?

That's right. I actually am in the most wonderful mood ever. I have spent the last 4 years dreading college and dreading the future but I'm actually excited now. What? The last few months of school are going to amazing, summer is going to be the BEST EVER, and college is going to be fun. I've decided to just be happy. I know where I'm going to college. I visited yesterday and made my decision (FINALLY) and it just is SUCH a relief. I am in LOVE with the school and I'm SO EXCITED for the new experience. I honestly never thought I'd be excited for college, but I am.
Band trip in 11 days. The last three band trips have been my favorite part of the school year, so I'm assuming this will be no different. I'm SO excited.
Prom is in less than a month. I'm going with the boy I've liked for the entire school year and he's excited to be going with me. I have a perfect dress and I've been using tanning lotion and it looks good.
I finally got my date to take my license test. It's quite far away, but I'm just excited that it's set.
What the hell? Life is so good. I'm SO excited about everything ahead of me I just can't stop smiling. This is so unlike me... to be so happy and NOT worried. lol. AHHHH!!!! I KNOW WHERE I'M GOING TO COLLEGE!!! Having that figured out makes me realize how REAL it is, and that I DO have a future. I could never picture myself next yr cuz I had no idea where I'd be....but it's set now.

I love life.
I love life.
I love life.

<3

I need to tell this story. Xanga is really the only one who will listen, and the only one I feel comfortable talking about this with. It's a hard one to tell, but I think it's time it gets told.

Her name was Nicole. She was in my dance class. I had known her since I was 5 and started dancing. She became a teacher's assistant last year, and I was immensely jealous, although I knew she deserved it. She didn't talk much in class, but she was an amazing dancer. She and I had never been close, emotionally, but she stood next to me in height line up. She always explained to me what we were doing since I never seem to know. At our dress rehearsals last year, we would run out on stage and whisper each others' names to find each other, then giggle.

It was a Friday. May 30th. The day of our first dance recital. It was a day one. I was wearing a really cute outfit and was really excited about it. I was super excited for the recital. I was sitting around in the morning waiting for the bell to ring when I saw all the administrators running up and down the hallways with their walky-talkies. My friends and I joked that someone was probably wearing short shorts, since this was usually the reaction to this occurrence. The principal came over the loud speaker saying we needed to report to our homerooms immediately. I said it probably had something to do with the dress codes that no one follows. I was wrong.

When I walked into homeroom, the first thing I heard was "Someone died". I hadn't even had a chance to sit down when the news hit me. A million questions flashed through my mind. A teacher or a student? Was it one of my friends? What was going to happen? Was this even true? Where did this rumor come from? I quickly sat down and awaited more information, very impatiently. The principal came over the announcements, telling us he had very bad news to share with us. I realized then that it wasn't a rumor. He shared information on the car accident that killed Nicole on the day of her senior dance recital. It had happened at 2 am that Thursday night. She was out drinking with a guy she didn't know very well, who was drunk and they crashed.

The news hit me so hard, yet I had no reaction. I sat in my seat and stared into space for a few minutes. My homeroom teacher then came over to inform me that homeroom was over and I needed to go to class, or I could go see the grievance counselors in the auditorium. I had a hard time collecting my thoughts. The hall was completely silent when I entered it, something that has never happened before. Everyone had their heads down, and many people were hugging and silently sobbing. It was the most terrifying sight.

I had gym first block and when I walked into the lockerroom I just sat down on the floor with no intentions of ever standing again. I had the biggest knot in my stomach and I could not think complete thoughts. I couldn't even form a tear because I didn't believe it was true. All of the girls in my gym class sat with me. We sat in complete silence for a while. We then discussed how this would be one of those days we'd never forget, like 9/11. Well, it's true. I remember every detail from that day...every single detail.

After gym, I went to Environmental Science, and my teacher sobbed. It was painful. She took us outside and we layed in the grass and we all talked about how hard it was. Then I had English. My English class last year was extremely close for some reason. We were a cute little family, and I love them all. When I walked into my English classroom, I finally felt comfortable enough to cry. The second I walked in the door. A few of my friends came over and hugged me, then it turned into a class-wide group hug. It was very cute, and it touched my heart. We went outisde to read out loud and I did not even open my book. I just sat there and cried, excusing myself to the bathroom multiple times. Two of my friends leaned over and told me they would come with me to the auditorium to see the grief counselors. One of the 'grief counselors' was my priest. He gave me a speech about how God wanted her, etc etc. I told him it wasn't fair. She was an only child with a single mother, who she was very close with. Her mom didn't deserve this. He said "I know."

A lot of the girls I dance with had gone home early, unable to make it through the day of school. I stayed in school, trying to pretend everything was ok. It wasn't. I had band 4th block. My teacher told us that "despite the sad news today, we should still be playing our best". I could not keep it together and took a 10 minute bathroom break. My seat was surrounded by many egotistical jock-y boys, who asked me if I was ok when I first walked in and when I said "Not at all" ignored me for the rest of class. I needed a hug, but I didn't want to ask for it. I called my dad and asked him to pick me up and drop me off at my best friend Amanda(who I dance with)'s house. I'm very close with her family, so I walked in and hugged her sister for a long time, then she came out and I hugged her for a long time. Then the three of us sat on the front porch, talking quietly and wondering if the recital would be cancelled. It wasn't.

Recital nights are usually hectic and very exciting. This one was not. I carpooled with Amanda, and when we arrived, the dressing room was very quiet. We went to find our teacher, and found her completely distraught and sobbing. She gave us all the hugs we were looking for. I just wanted to wake up from this nightmare. No one had any desire to go on stage and smile, but we had to. It was the hardest thing I've ever done.

My tap dance was in the second half. I ran onto stage and whispered "Nicole!!!!" then proceeded to cry throughout the dance. I didn't know where to stand because I didn't have her sweet voice directing me. I didn't have her hand to hold. I couldn't concentrate on dancing. I managed to block it out of my mind and make it through the rest of the recital.

Finale time. At the very end of the final dance, Nicole had a small solo part that she was really excited about. We had all forgotten about it, so no one had planned on doing this part in replacement. When the time came, I looked to the place next to me and made eye contact with the girl on the other side of the empty space, Nicole's best friend. I could see her entire heart drop in that split second and the fake smiles dropped off of both our faces immediately. The space was empty. She was gone.

After the recital, my teacher had to make the announcement to the entire audience that one of her assistants had passed away that morning. The first time she said it, her voice cracked and tears streamed down her face. All of the girls that had kept their composure broke down and we all held onto each other. After the announcement, she closed the curtain and we all erupted in tears. The younger girls ran away in fear, while the older girls bawled. No one knew what to do or say, we all just walked around hugging each other and crying. People I had once hated were now so important to me, as I held them in my arms wishing they would stop sobbing. We all calmed down a little until the rush of mothers came to see us. Each girl clung to her mother and erupted once again. It was pure pain.

The next two recitals went the same way. We kept our composure, for the most part, throughout the show, then erupted at the end. It didn't get any easier each time the announcement was made that she was no longer with us.

Monday was the wake. We all wore our dance jackets and we all went in together. To the open casket. Where she was wearing the dress she would have worn in her solo. There was a slide show of pictures of her. I wanted to throw up. Seeing her mother was the hardest. She was trying to show appreciation that we were all there, but she did not want to be there. She didn't deserve this, and I just wanted to hold her in my arms forever. I was sitting alone, staring straight into the casket for a very long time when my friend Emily came over and started rubbing my back. I hugged her tightly and cried harder than I had in public since I was a baby. I had told her at the recitals that I had trouble crying in public, because I DO. I feel tears coming, then block them unintentionally. I couldn't contain it any longer though, and I sobbed. A few of us went to eat after, and a few of the girls I was with were being goofy, while I sat there and stared straight ahead. They were laughing. Who laughs after going to a wake for a friend? No one. I wanted to yelll at them, but I had no desire to do anything.

Tuesday was the funeral. There were so many people there. Two of my teachers got up to speak about her and seeing them cry induced tears of my own. I made sure to sit next to Emily, since I knew I could cry with her. The priest talked about Nicole's mom, and how this situation was reversed. Mothers don't usually attend their daughter's funerals. It hurt to look over at her mother, crying loudly and shaking. We then drove to the cemetary. We all stood around the grave as Nicole's white coffin was slowly lowered. As it hit the earth, her mother yelled out, "DON'T LEAVE ME NICOLE" and then proceeded to talk to the coffin, telling it to visit her often, that she loved it, and that she couldn't do this. I had absolutely no control over my tears. I was a mess. We all were. My dance teacher came over to a group of us and we all had a group hug, and my teacher said "She'll always be one of us". We stayed like that for a long time. My friend whispered "I don't want to leave because I don't want this to actually be real. I don't want to leave her". I had nothing to say to that, I just gave her a tight hug.

I think about her every day. We were never really FRIENDS, but she had been in my life forever and then suddenly one day she wasn't. Her hand was always there for me to hold, but it was taken away from me. Her mother has no one else, and this thought still haunts me. These few days have a permanent spot in my memory, and I will never forget a single detail about it. It taught me to love everyone, and to make sure all my friends know I love them every day. It also taught me to take advantage of everyday. It also gave me a huge fear of driving.

Today, Nicole would have been 19. She had her whole life ahead of her. She would be finishing her freshman year at Southern CT State University, rooming with her best friend from dance. They would've had the time of their lives, but now Leah is alone, and Nicole is gone. I can't imagine if I had been closer with her...I can't imagine this pain being worse.

We're doing a dance in memory of her this year. The song is "Tonight" by FM Static. Right after the accident, a friend of hers made a youtube video of pictures to this song, and now I can't hear it without crying. Dancing to it is so difficult, but the lyrics fit the situation so perfectly.

"I remember the times we spent together
All those drives
We had a million questions
All about our lives
And when we got to New York
Everything felt right
I wish you were here with me
Tonight
I remember the days we spent together
Were not enough
And it used to feel like dreamin'
Except we always woke up
Never thought not having you
Here now would hurt so much
Tonight I've fallen and I can't get up
I need your loving hands to come and pick me up
And every night I miss you
I can just look up
And know the stars are
Holdin' you, holdin' you, holdin' you tonight
I remember the time you told me about when you were eight
And all those things you said that night that just couldn't wait
I remember the car you were last seen in
And the games we would play
All the times we spilled our coffees
And stayed out way too late
I remember the time you SAT AND told me about your Jesus
And how not to look back even if no one believes us
When it hurt so bad sometimes
Not having you here...
I say,
"Tonight I've fallen and I can't get up
I need your loving hands to come and pick me up
And every night I miss you
I can just look up
And know the stars are
Holdin' you, holdin' you, holdin' you tonight"
I say,
"Tonight I've fallen and I can't get up
I need your loving hands to come and pick me up
And every night I miss you
I can just look up
And know the stars are
Holdin' you, holdin' you, holdin' you tonight "

Rest in peace, Nicole. I miss you every day. <3